Stop the world I want to get off...........

Life is like a roller coaster and it has never been truer then this weekend.(High, for high points, Low for low points, DOH!)

Wednesday Night
Went to class, then went to dinner party, celebrating the Lovely Melissa's birthday, by rumor she is 29, with a few extra "enriching years" for more beauty and poise. Like wine it never gets older it gets aged and better. (this is supposed to be a compliment, in case I totally bothced it)-HIGH

Went and saw the Harry Potter 3 movie with Dan and Amil, We were late so we missed the beginning, did get to see the first Dementor sighting (High and Low(movie was good I wanted a bit more from the book))
Thursday
Got up early and finished packing for Indianapolis, got to Fort Lauderday, visited with Matka(polish for mother(My dad's Mother) then went and picked up Memaw(nick name my cousin created for my Mom's Mom(the one going to indianapolis to see her sister)We got on the plane, before boarding I spoke with JE and she invited me to a dinner party at her friend Karins and Johns(HIGH).

Flight was fine I started reading Starship Troopers(a book very different from the movie, VERY DIFFERENT) Landing was a bit rough, Indianapolis was in a heat wave our visit so while it was cooler it wasn't that much cooler, and it rained everyday. But I like the rain. My great aunt, memaw's sister smoked....(LOW)...

Thurday through Sunday Morning
Spent time with family, will try to get some pictures up. Met cousins and aunts(all once or twice removed, heres a chart that might help). Ended up meeting my Great Aunt Telma who rememebered taking me to lowery park zoo when I was like 2-3, she was in a altimers ward (we she shouldn't be but they freaked out cause they found her outside one day, becuase they screwed up her medication) anyway, we went to lunch with her then arranged for her to be moved out of the ward, but we still had to leave her there when we left, she was upset at us having to go(First big hump of the coaster, great high, aweful low) then we visited some more relatives then came home, the flight back was fine (I managed to sleep some), the drive back was good, over the weekend I spent a great deal of time on the phone with JE(HIGH)

Sunday Night
Second Big hump on the coaster, went to dinner with JE and her son and her friends. Had a great meal, good visit, her friend John is a great guy, then back to her place for our extended talking sessions. Talk is good, I am very honest with how I am feeling, express some observations from other friends, she expresses she is worried about hurting me, I inform her I am not brittle. Somewhere in all of that we kissed, very nice, also in the midst I learned she has gone out with at least one other person since we started "dating". I am unsure. I want her to be with me, not anyone else, but I want her to be with me because she wants to be with me. SOOOOO while I don't like her being with someone else, I must accept that exploration?!? (if thats the right term) Even now I have overwheming sense of apprehension, and my flight instinct is kicking into high gear. But I have been regulated into a version of self-enlightenment, So heres the questions I can answer:
Do I like JE? Yes, Is she worth waiting for? Yes, Wouldn't I rather have her when she wants to be had? Yes, Don't I feel that anything worth having is worth fighting for? Yes, Is this different to me? Yes, Isn't this how I understand true strong relationships to be? Yes, Do I want to be someone she "settles" for? No, Do I wonder if she might be searching for the BBD? Yes, Do I wonder what short-comings I have that would make a BBD? Yes, Am I jealous of time others will get to spend with her? Yes, Is that normal? Yes?

Here are the ones I am not so sure:
Can I accept all of this? Can I accept that eventhough I might be everything that I can be and she might not love me in a way that I would like to be loved? Could I be loved anyother way?

As I said Highs and Lows, The Highs I feel out number the lows........what a great thing this life is....sure beats falling into Obolivia.

Lighter Note
Been stuck with a phrase in my head, "I am the guardian of the watchtower of the north" not sure excatly from where or why, but found some pegan referrences and then this Site made referrence to it invoking St. Michael the Archangel, to twist somethings further, The north watchtower would be the Earth, Taurus is an Earth Sign, While Leo is Fire.