A new day?

***WRITTEN WHILE I WAS A PINT LOW(GAVE BLOOD THIS MORNING)***

Well JE never called me last night, for all I know she was at the Dave Matthews concert with some bloke.

I would like to think things will work out for us in time. In a dream once I met a woman who I thought of as my wife. In that dream the woman looked a lot like JE. That was several years ago. Then I wen to JE's wedding so that kinda killed all that. Then I heard she was divorced. Then I heard she was living with some guy. Then I ran into her at School.......What a twist of fate that is.....perhaps I needed to just relax, things have a way of working out.....in time and never the way you expect.

She isn't ready for that serious of a relationship, and you know I don't think I am either. Although it would be nice.

So I am gonna trudge on, take one new day at a time. Work on continuing to be the best Michael that I can be. One foot in front of the other. What will happen will happen, even if I want it faster........I need not worry about the path, heaven knows the way.

Drama....I know thee well

Not much of an update. Been a pretty "blah" week. Managed to get my car back to progressive to get some minor things cleaned up. I also managed to make it to one of the Deaf dinners at the Westshore mall.

But on a damn is mike stupid note. I have been overly dramatic about JE. I mean lets accept somethings here, I am crazy about her. If any of you all didn't realize this before then ya might want to get your empathy motors tuned up. My friend Kevin even went so far as to point out that before I was never happy, just okay. But since I started seeing JE I actually was happy. So that build up a lot of pressure. Now lets go overboard because well thats what I am good at.

Betrayal, JE asked me once what I thought my biggest flaw was. This is it, I fear betrayal, and I always think I am going to be betrayed. I dis-trust so many people around me always worried about their own agenda. I have a pretty good idea where this stems from, but I haven't managed to reign it in.

Emotion, I am a friggin emotional roller-coster, who isn't, but mine carries a lot of Drama. My shield for this in relationships in the past has been, fail me once, then I sever ties. Well JE has failed countless times, not in the future sense but in the present, but I found that I didn't want to sever the ties, why the heck is that. I just don't want to walk away from her.

Freedom, I might need to just let her go......besides I don't think she feels the same way about me as I do her. Freedom also stands for myself, I am so suppressed sometimes it drives me mad. I know it has to be because I am so overwhelmingly attracted to her, while all the while I cannot imagine myself with someone so lovely.

So this is the Drama that I am carring and I have force on to her. How unfair is that........She told me once that she wished she had held off on dating me......I am sure I have made her regret not waiting......all I seem to be doing is making things worse......God help me.....

Weekend Update

Friday Night: Went to Bennigans with Doug, Chris, Jose, and my Brother Jason. We had thoughts of seeing the Bourne Supremacy, but we didn't

Saturday: Went to the dentist, pretty much spoiled by day cause my jaw hurt a-lot, still went and played Racquetball, my new Racquet isn't bad but will take sometime getting used to.

Saturday Night: Vegged out watched some TV

Sunday: Got up with the intention of going to Deaf church, see I need contact hours for my ASL class. But my jaw was bothering me still too much to be social. Went to my cousin's baseball game. The family was there minus my brothers Adam, Willam and my Sister Loni. William and Loni are down in south florida living it up with my grandmother. Adam was just kinda a no show.

Sunday afternoon: Went to Lee-Roy Selmons with the family for dinner. It was me, my brother (jason), my mother and father, my Uncle, my Aunt, and my 2 cousins. It was a fine meal. Afterwards went home and chilled out. Recieved a call from Melissa, the lady I am moving this weekend to Tennessee, maybe some people are right I should say no more often. But then again its a free road trip to nashville, so thats something right..:P

Sunday Night: Gang came over for some Seventh seas action, while things didn't go the way I think they were planned, I think it will all work out.

Thought about JE a lot this weekend (what else is new), but mostly in a disappointing way. She occasionally reads this site so I am ending it there.

"Can a man change his stars?" - A Knights Tale